scapegote
Joined: 06 Nov 2003
Posts: 897
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 Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 4:53 am Post subject: Week 9 & 10 - Fear and The Voice |
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Well, I last left off with a struggle to get in the hands, largely due to quite a windfall of good cards and great profit. It's weird the way things work, when I'm losing I don't want to play, and when I'm winning a ton, I don't want to keep playing. I'd think I was just strange and in a class of my own, but I've heard others that are the same way. This game depends on swings, everyone will have them, many will develop some kind of method to try to deal with them.
For instance, a player I know who plays for a living at my "local" casino plays the 15/30 game there, and if he's doing extremely well, he drops down to 10/20 until he hits a long losing streak, or for at least a couple days. Then he pops up to 15/30 again, and it's not even that strange of a thing. Even Doyle Brunson talks about playing your rushes, stating that he plays (more likely, played, he's changed quite a bit since S/S 1) the next hand after winning regardless of what it is. This has absolutely no mathematical basis, but emotions always creep into poker. Most players have some kind of superstition, from a talisman at the table, to never playing red nines UTG. I for one have some kind of attachment to the J9 of clubs. I've learned to fold it, but I don't like too. The very concept of the 'poker gods' is one that is laughed at and mentioned toungue in cheek by most players, but only until they are in a large pot. No matter what, there's always more to poker than playing your cards, or even your opponents, correctly.
There's the voice, and the fear it brings. At least for me, it's a common thing. I win, and the voice tells me I was lucky. I lose, and the voice tells me that "I've lost my touch, I can't beat the game any longer." It trys to tilt me, it needles me and jests at me, probing every weakness I have. If it was another person doing this, I'd perhaps respond correctly, shrugging it off, but it's in my head, a part of me. I don't know if it's common or some hidden self-esteem problem because my parents never hugged me enough. Either way, I wonder whether those who truly suceed have the voice, whether they've lived a life without it, or (more likely) have learned to overcome it, to push through it. This is my problem.
This week was a pathetic attempt at getting my hands in, although my roomate was using his computer a large portion of the time, I had plenty of opportunity to play more, and ignored it. I'm buying a computer this next week, and moving into my new place, so along with this change of enviroment is coming some fresh new goals to get me on track. First my week(s) review, then the goals.
Sunday, November 28th
Sunday is my day off, and even though I haven't been getting a ton of hands in, I felt no shame in taking the day off. My sister brought me back for church and I spent the afternoon setting up my aunt's christmas tree with her, a couple of my friends and my cousins. Since my parent's have split up, the holiday's don't have the same feel, and it was nice to spend the day feeling normal for once. No poker though.
Monday, November 29th
Today is the day I've been dreading for a while, the inevitable downswing, I felt pretty horrible the entire time through it and made a few mistakes, but nothing real costly. I think I may be calling down to much, especially after I fold once or twice. I find myself in a situation where I feel I must call down or I'll be pushed off so many future hands. Going to be analyzing these situations more in the future, for now, I pull out of the day after only 350 Hands, $505 to the negative.
Tuesday, November 30th
Wowzer, after yesterday, today is exactly what I needed, although I still didn't put in many hands. I only played 283 hands, but I finished up $657 for the day. It should be pretty apparent to anyone that the swings shorthanded are absolutely insane. That's two days with around 300 hands where I've swung down 50 BB and then up 65. Insane. I wussed out at the end, wanting badly to book a win.
Wednesday, December 1st
No hands today, and for the life of me I can't remember why. May have been the day that my roomie and I rented movies and threw down in some video games all day long. Probably in fact, that or I didn't have computer access because my roomate was working on his paper, one or the other. Either way, I played video games all day. Splinter Cell 2 is indeed a worthy successor to it's predecessor. Halo 2 I'm still dissapointed with, but some serious multiplayer action I have slated for the holiday's could very well change my mind.
Thursday, December 2nd
Seriously, my streak is extending itself into the dangerous category. It's about now where I'm starting to believe I can beat the game for 6 BB/100, an impossibility. I played 384 hands again today (I really need to put in more hands, but since I'm still only playing one table, it's hard to get a ton in). Anyway I won $438.50, another 40 BB swing, it's amazing the rollercoaster ride that 6-max tables can bring. I seriously think that developing my emotional control over swings is something that will increase my earn rate by thousands of dollars a month.
Friday, December 3rd
A losing day, was somewhat prepared for it, but still couldn't bring myself to push through it, played two tables for probably 15-20 minutes today and felt somewhat comfortable with it. I just started using Gametime+ to get immediate data about the players I'm at the table with, and it's a huge help. I dropped $350 over 278 hands, and then went out and got a $20 steak dinner with a friend. Man was it a good steak, but the place we went made me order it at least medium, which was somewhat upsetting to me. Anyway, it was still great to get out for a dinner that wasn't pizza or IHOP.
Saturday, December 4th
Man, reviewing these days makes me realize how much I've been slacking playing during the last week and a half, gotta get my butt in gear, only 200 hands during saturday, which was a day I spent playing Splinter Cell 2 if I remember correctly. I also hooked up my roomates Surround sound system to the tv he used. I've earned the nickname McGuyver as one of my roomates whose never here was visiting with his girlfriend, and I solved a ton of problems this week in creative ways. I fixed the toilet, pulled nails out of the walls and set up the Surround sound system with ease. The system was one of those cheap all-in-one units that comes with a dvd player, but it sounds pretty decent, watched spiderman 2 with it, and I must say I approve. The movie was awesome as well. I lost a reasonable $112 today.
Sunday, December 5th
No hands, once again my day off, I pulled an all-nighter the night before busting Splinter Cell 2 down, and then went straight to church in the morning, got into a very good discussion about how bad Christians are at relating to other people without seeming stuck-up. I've never really seemed to have a huge problem with this, but I think that comes from different feelings about what Christianity is all about. Anyway, interesting talk, then had practice for my Christmas play, which is going to be awesome. Then slept for the night.
Monday, December 6th
Woot, put in some hands today, mainly since yesterday my roomate and I decided to road trip to new york this weekend, and I felt money draining out of my bankroll. I pushed through 750 hands, playing 2 tables for 3-4 hours, after the first hour or so, I felt perfectly comfortable with it. I'm excited to move into my new place, but am buying a $500-$600 computer, and am allowing myself $400 for the NY trip, meaning my bankroll has taken a hit and is back down to around $2500. I ended up down $14, after being down huge and battling my way back up. I called down a couple of times that I shouldn't have, still my biggest weakness almost certainly. Gotta work on that.
Well, it's technically Tuesday since I haven't slept, so I'm going to end this here, I'll be gone for the weekend, and will post my goals when I get back . An 11 hour ride/drive tommorow demands that I get at least some sleep . For those of you who are interested, my stats at present (for 5/10) are:
3,729 Hands
Total Profit - $1219.50
BB/100 - 3.27
Total Bankroll - $2503 (after $950 withdrawn for Computer/Trip)
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