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Thread: adoption

  1. #1
    dankimball's Avatar
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    adoption

    What if u ever thought or found out u was adopted?

    Would u go look for relatives? How would u looks?

    Any suggestions
    LEADER OF THE BINK A DINK BOYS!!



    [17:08] hawk: from my extensive experience of LHE, "decent read / play" = "hitting buttons at random sometimes works" :P

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  3. #2

    Re: adoption

    if i were adopted...i will look for my real parents and ask why did they do it...i wanna know the reason behind it,
    i'm gee 26 i love playing poker online...

  4. #3

    Re: adoption

    I have two adopted friends whom I've spoken to in the past about this topic.

    The first one is angry about it. His feeling is that he was abandoned, but he doesn't really want to understand why. I think that in his mind they could never justify it (or maybe he just doesn't want them to justify it), and so he doesn't see how any good can come out of it. He seems 'happy' to retain his hatred for these faceless people.

    The second is more measured. She views her adoptive parents very much as her real parents, and whilst she has been curious about it she knows it would distress them if she searched for her biological parents. She's come to the conclusion that for her the negatives outweigh the potential positives, and she can live with that.

    Whether someone searches for their biological parents seems to be very much an individual decision. I think I'd tell someone to go with their gut feeling, though if they do go ahead with it to be prepared for disappointment - they simply may not find the 'answers' or whatever they're looking for.

  5. #4
    dankimball's Avatar
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    Re: adoption

    Well I am almost 30 yesrs old. And just found out I was ADOPTED.

    I am not hurt by the fact I was adopted. I care for my patents that took care of me.

    I am not mad that my birth mother gave me up. I am sure she had her reasons. It all worked out for me in the long run.

    I also would like to now contact her . I headed she came looking for me when I was 10-11 to see if I was ok . And I was. So obviously at one point she was curious about me.

    Well since I now finding out. I am curious of her .
    LEADER OF THE BINK A DINK BOYS!!



    [17:08] hawk: from my extensive experience of LHE, "decent read / play" = "hitting buttons at random sometimes works" :P

    http://dankimball42.blogspot.com/

  6. #5

    Re: adoption

    Were you given over for adoption at birth? If not her name should be on the birth certificate. In that case I'd obtain a copy of your original birth certificate. Knowing the given name, birth date and county should be enough to get it through the county office.

    If you were given over at birth then it'll be a bit trickier. You'll probably need the help of your parents or someone in the county office.

    http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_search.cfm A starting point with some references. There are free registries to use also. It could be she registered somewhere already.

    One thing to consider is there is a (pretty decent) chance that the people in her world aren't going to be happy about you coming into her life and will make it so she has to make a choice again at some point. That happened to me and for me it was fine. It wasn't a big deal for me to know my father in the first place, it mattered a lot to my mom though so I went along with it. He was a nice guy and his family was nice to me (even if it was forced) but the truth is I didn't fit. At some point his wife started giving me the run around, he worked late and is sleeping, he's out but I'll tell him you called, etc. I took the hint pretty quick and left them to their life. I have a father that raised me and we've had our battles but HE'S my dad. He donated way more than the seed to make me and that matters a hell of a lot more.

    Once you do find her it would be better to learn a bit about her life and make sure it's in your best interest to meet. Hopefully whatever is best for you is how this works out.
    "If my Daddy knew I was losing in this poker game, he'd come outta the grave and beat the heck outta me."-Doyle Brunson on High Stakes Poker

  7. #6
    dankimball's Avatar
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    Re: adoption

    It was closed adoption. But I got some leads on her name. She was 18 when she had me and was not ready for a child. I'm not angry or anything it all worked out for me.

    If she wants to be contacted then great. If she don't then that's ok too. I am not setting myself to get hurt. It's no big deal. My father was not in the picture at the time. But I do have his name. Gonna first see how it goes with birth mom and go from there.

    If she don't want me in her life then that's ok. No feelings will be hurt
    LEADER OF THE BINK A DINK BOYS!!



    [17:08] hawk: from my extensive experience of LHE, "decent read / play" = "hitting buttons at random sometimes works" :P

    http://dankimball42.blogspot.com/

  8. #7
    Senior Member mconstab's Avatar
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    Re: adoption

    Well you seem to have a pretty good attitude about the whole thing Dan so gl with whatever you decide to do.

  9. #8
    Senior Member Piemaster's Avatar
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    Re: adoption

    It's difficult to really know unless you're actually put in that situation, but I honestly think I wouldn't really care that much and certainly wouldn't go looking for my real parents. I really support adoption (on both sides) and usually it results in the child getting a better home.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do though.
    "I believe in coincidences. Coincidences happen every day. But I don't trust coincidences."

  10. #9

    Re: adoption

    I was adopted at birth and told about it by my adoptive parents at a young enough age that I've 'always' known it. I look at it like this: My biological mother gave me the ultimate gift and made the ultimate sacrifice. Bless her for that decision. I assume she had some life issues that would have kept her from being much of a mother. I do know (because of some checking my ex-wife did on my behalf prior to us having kids of our own) that I have a half brother somewhere with some significant medical/developmental issues. Perhaps his problems were part of bio-mother's decision to give me up. Whatever, I think she's an angel for choosing to let someone else raise me.

    I have a mother and a father (or at least a sperm donor) that I know nothing about. I have a Mom and Dad that raised me and cared for me and made me into a halfway decent adult. I've never attempted to make contact. I don't think I ever will, but it's a remote possibility.

    I can understand that finding out later in life might increase the desire to make contact. I hope it turns out well.
    “We are spending more than we have ever spent before and it does not work...We have never made good on our promises…we have just as much unemployment as when we started…And an enormous debt to boot!” - Henry Morgenthau, SecTreas for FDR, 1939

  11. #10
    Senior Member kinnipak's Avatar
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    Re: adoption

    My 2 cents is that you should do what your gut tells you to do. I think it is a much better scenario that you discovered this when you are older as opposed to being young as you may not have the perspective that you do know. I am sure that your mother wanted the very best for her child and made a very tough decision. As you have said, you are happy in your life and that is a very precious thing. Odds are she would be thrilled to know how happy you are. But you should also prepare for the possibilty that she is in a whole different place now and seeing you might be a shock.

    All that said, you are a damn good man and I wish you nothing but the best in this part of lifes journey.

    GL.
    "If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun..."

  12. #11
    Senior Member poker_Elmo's Avatar
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    Re: adoption

    Good luck with your quest!

  13. #12
    Senior Member chrisjp's Avatar
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    Re: adoption

    I have two close friends who were adopted. One has two siblings, both adopted and no biological relation to each other. They knew they were all adopted. While she was curious about her biological Mom and knew she born in Florida (and grew up in California) she never did any investigation.

    My other friend was never told but he figured it out as a teenager. He never told his parents of this, and they never told him. His parents were very close to him, he was an only child, and his parents were in their 40s when he was born. In his mid twenties, after his parents had both died, he became very curious about his biological parents. Since I was an attorney and had done a lot of genealogy research he quizzed me on how he should start looking. He grew up in Philadelphia and he did a lot of searching and finally found them. Wasn't easy. Very interesting story. His biological parents were young and unmarried when he was born. They gave him up for adoption. Several years later they married and had two more sons. Unfortunately his birth mother died just before he discovered all of this. But he was very interested to find out about her. My friend is a high achiever and although he's in the tech world he is also an accomplished musician. His birth mother was an accomplished musician also, and he found that he was a lot like her. His birth Dad and brothers look just like him. I met them at my friend's wedding. Pretty neat. He has helped out with one of his brothers who has some slight mental illness problems. He's not close to the others, but they are cordial.

    I know I'd be curious too. But it's just a personal thing I believe. I love all that genealogy stuff so it would be right up my alley. There's always the biological health history to consider too. Might be nice to know.

    Anyway good luck Dan. No right or wrong here for sure.

    Chris
    Poker taught me how to be self critical and how to use to that to improve...also taught me how to dust myself off and go again. The past is the past. Learn your lessons and move right on. --Paulif

  14. #13
    dankimball's Avatar
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    Re: adoption

    thanks for all the suggestions and support guys!!!

    so far i have found some people on facebook that knew my birth mom. i have contacted them and was asking them if they could get a hold of her and such. without me revealing to much information on why i wanted to talk to her b/c i dont know if they know much about it. i have found one freind that did know about me and the situation and he has contacted her and supposly she wants to hear from me. SO WE WILL SEE HOW THIS GOES. IM SO NERVOUS!!!

    ANYWAYS THANKS GUYS
    LEADER OF THE BINK A DINK BOYS!!



    [17:08] hawk: from my extensive experience of LHE, "decent read / play" = "hitting buttons at random sometimes works" :P

    http://dankimball42.blogspot.com/

  15. #14
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    Re: adoption

    You're taking this remarkably well and it looks like you have the right attitude towards it all. It must be a strange thing to find out, especially at your age.

    Good luck finding what you want, let us know how you get on.

  16. #15
    Senior Member chrisjp's Avatar
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    Re: adoption

    Quote Originally Posted by dankimball
    SO WE WILL SEE HOW THIS GOES. IM SO NERVOUS!!!
    Excited for you Dan. GL.

    ps. Is she a golfer?
    Poker taught me how to be self critical and how to use to that to improve...also taught me how to dust myself off and go again. The past is the past. Learn your lessons and move right on. --Paulif

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