Leaving your ego at the door...

[Polar_Bears]

Okay...so since reading TPM, I am trying to recognize the areas I am having problems with and work on them. Obv, the first key to any problem is awareness. There is no doubt the book has made me aware of just how deep some of these problems are. Even with awareness though, it is very easy to rest on your laurels, and stay stuck in it because it may seem to difficult to break these old habits and consider it hopeless, or you just don't know what is really on the other side of it (meaning rewards) to justify putting in the hard work to change.

I have to admit, I am one of those idiots that has something to say in chat to weaker players. I judge them, critisize them, and purposely try to push buttons to get people to play at me harder. I only do this online and never live. However, I am well aware now that this is more out of ego, me looking down on them, and me thinking I am some kind of player. I am the type of player that truly forgets how bad I was for a VERY long time. I played reckless and even dangerous for the first couple of years playing, never really reading a book, bothering to improve my game through education, and just kept doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome (the definition of insanity right there). Then I did start joining training sites, reading forums, books, etc...my game got much better in a very short time because all though I was playing reckless for so long, the one thing I was gaining was hand experience all that time. Once I was able to get some formal education, a lot of it started to really come together for me fairly quickly. However, the big problem was my ego just took off. Once I started seeing all the stupid mistakes people were making, my ego just went through the roof.

I was playing in a tournament yesterday for the first time since finishing TPM. I have my sheet laying next to me with the 7 concepts on them. Kept glancing at it to see what was happening to me while playing versus the 7 concepts. The one thing I kept telling myself over and over again was "Leave your ego at the door!" After we started getting deeper into the game, I was watching bone head play after play. Normally by now, I would have had to given my two cents in chat about it by now. However, I do have awareness, a sincere desire to change, and a commitment to myself to really get this stuff down. There were times where I had to really hold myself back from saying anything. Then when a nasty beat was laid on me shortly before the bubble which crippled me, I even started to type out what I wanted to say, and caught myself in the middle of it and just deleted it. It definitely wasn't easy for me, but I successfully got through it without saying a word throughout the whole tournament. I know this stuff sounds stupid, but it really isn't easy for me to just have awareness about this stuff and now suddenly change. Even though I was happy with the fact that I fought off temptation and started the change process, it didn't help my mentally for the way I was still thinking at times. I mean I was still pretty judgmental in my own mind, just not acting out.

I am not expecting a miracle over night, and even baby steps is a sign of progress for me. However, I want to pull in some real life experience to this for a moment. In my twenties (I am 39 now), I had a serious problem with being judgmental of people. It was an ongoing problem that I wasn't even aware of until I was in my late 20's. I consulted with a spiritual adviser that I looked up to about this and he gave me some life changing advice. The first step was awarness of it. Once I became aware of it, I was actually able to see how out of control I was with it. What he had me do is the next time I am aware that I am looking down on people or judging them, try to put yourself in their shoes. Bring them up to your level and realize they have their own problems that are just as important to them as your's are to you; their own romances that were as wonderful to them as your's were to you; their own heroics at times in their life that they thought they were doing incredible things just like you did; and they have their own higher power that is just as important to them as your's is to you (there were other categories or you could implement your own, but you get the point). It wasn't easy at first because I was such a selfish bastard, but as time went on and I implemented this more and more, my views on people, life, etc...started changing. It took quite some time, but as the years past, I definitely had changed and became a better person because of it.

This feels like the same thing all over again just in a different context. It looks like an uphill battle, and if I hadn't gone through something similar that I could compare it too, I might also think this was a hopeless journey. However, I do have hope based off of my own life personal experiences.

So where am I going with all this? I was wondering if anyone else has struggled with this concept as bad as I have/do? I was looking for that little pearl of wisdom of maybe some exercises mental or other that could help accelerate the growth in this area just like that spiritual advisor had helped me in the past. Are there things you run through your head while it's happening that has helped? Does any of this make sense?

The other problem I noticed, which I won't get into right now is "Remove all emotion from your decisions..." The reason that I brought this up is because I realized for the first time yesterday that Ego can spill right into the emotional state. When my ego gets bruised, then emotions come into play in my descision thought process. However, I should say that I did catch this from happening, and didn't make decisions based off emotion thank God!

I am not even sure if anything I am saying is making sense to anyone else but me, but I don't think this is something I am just going to conquer just like that because I read a book and have awareness around it now. I think that I need to be interactive about this a bit and ask for others experiences, or more importantly, others who have walked in my shoes and overcame this.

Thanks!
PB

[Zenjo]

Dude you need to see a shrink.

And keep the chat box turned off whilst playing.

[Polar_Bears]

I do see a shrink...but I got much bigger fish to fry with him then talking about my poker ego

[nsidestrate]

You might also benefit from Tommy Angelo's book.

[Polar_Bears]

For $5 bucks...I will check it out thanks!

I should also point out most of my "berating" of other players is to purposely put them on tilt. Majority of the time, they are playing into me, rarely is it someone on my immediate left. But I do get a little out of control with it, and I am certain it is all ego driven. Believe it or not it works, and it works often. However, the downside to it is that I usually get so fixated on the one player, that I can get careless and can often get sniped off by another player because of it.

I am a very emotionally driven person in general, and it is an awful quality to have as a poker player. However, I am the one that let it get out of control, and I have also had some progress in restraining myself over time. I never say anything to another descent player, and it is always to make bad players play worse. Actually that might not be totally true...maybe it's to make myself feel superior or better at times (if we are going to be honest here). I am really not sure I would have to dive deeper into it. I am quite certain over time, with more understanding of TPM stuff, and my own growth as a player in general, I can conquer this problematic area of my game. A lot of people say that a person who is typically an emotional person will never be successful at poker....I am going to prove that point wrong!

[blah730235]

[Polar_Bears]

No it's not necessary. In fact, I am a complete donkey for playing this way. That is why I am here. You have to remember, I "just" read for the first time TPM. It opened my eyes in ways that I can't begin to explain to you. I am not proud of the way I play, and in fact, it took me a lot to just be honest about it and put the post up. But I did it so that I could start to address the problem. I am embarrassed by this behavior, and through TPM, I realized I have a lot more to work on than just my ability to play the physical cards. In fact, I encourage folks to talk to me in any manner possible. The comment about "you need to see a shrink..." doesn't bother me, nor would any other derogatory remark. The only thing it does is help me realize how far outside the bounds I am with this stuff and wake me up...sometimes we learn the most from the things we don't want to hear.

I am glad you can't understand where I am at with "maybe it's to make myself feel superior or better at times." That means that I want to be more like you then. I have always been a firm believer in that I am a product of my environment. By being around folks like you, listening to you talk, etc... in time I am certain I will be where most of you all are at with the game.

It's obvious that I have a lot of work in front of me. It was never obvious about the mindset of poker until a week ago. Before that it was nothing but focusing on the mechanics of the game and working at that. If it takes embarrassing myself, sounding like an azz, or whatever else I have to go through for me to learn my lessons, I am willing to pay the price. I am willing to do WHATEVER it takes to be the best poker player I can be. I am quite certain that I am on the right path...no matter what the cost!

[Piemaster]

I think the 'I was trying to put them on tilt' excuse is one of poker's biggest rationalisations. It's what everyone says when they are told not to tap the glass, but I think it is rarely true. It is usually, as you say, ego and subconsciously wanting to be looked at as a good player by the other people at the table and/or wanting to make the other person look small. The whole 'putting them on tilt' thing is something you tell yourself afterwards to try and justify you ego/emotion fuelled actions that you know deep down are wrong.

And even if you do 'tilt' them, who says it will be in the right direction? In fact, a player who has called a big bet with garbage and then been berated for it is much more likely to go into his shell and tighten up then come out guns blazing.

[Bluedaq]

Including Tommy Angelo's book you should try sedona method

[Polar_Bears]

[Bluedaq]

[Bluedaq]

http://www.learningstrategies.com/PeakPerformance/Pavlina?aff=SP409

hey its free